Coin Flip User Defined SQL Function

In the past when my wife and I couldn’t decide which of two restaurants to go to grab dinner, we opened the Coin Flip app on one of our phones to let it decide. Now I let Vertica choose for us via a simple User Defined SQL Function! Example: dbadmin=> CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION coin_flip() RETURN VARCHAR(5) dbadmin-> AS dbadmin-> BEGIN dbadmin-> RETURN CASE RANDOMINT(2) dbadmin-> WHEN 0 THEN 'HEADS' dbadmin-> WHEN 1 THEN 'TAILS' dbadmin-> END; dbadmin-> END; CREATE FUNCTION dbadmin=> SELECT coin_flip, COUNT(*) FROM (SELECT coin_flip() AS coin_flip FROM big_table LIMIT 100000) foo GROUP BY coin_flip; coin_flip | COUNT ———–+——- TAILS | 49899 HEADS | 50101 (2 rows) dbadmin=> SELECT coin_flip, COUNT(*) FROM (SELECT coin_flip() AS coin_flip FROM big_table LIMIT 100000) foo GROUP BY coin_flip; coin_flip | COUNT ———–+——- TAILS | 49848 HEADS | 50152 (2 rows) Helpful Links: https://www.vertica.com/docs/latest/HTML/Content/Authoring/SQLReferenceManual/Statements/CREATEFUNCTIONSQLFunctions.htm https://www.vertica.com/docs/latest/HTML/Content/Authoring/SQLReferenceManual/Functions/Mathematical/RANDOMINT.htm Have fun!